#the truth doesn't work and if I just lie it won't be good enough

[deeplovelydark]

I'm stuck in some kind of purgatory where my mother keeps asking me over and over to explain depression to her (my behavior when I'm showing symptoms of it) but every time I try to tell her about depression as a concept she says it's not real. and then we do it again. and again

[strwberri-milk]

hii can i request lads men with a reader who has a hard time accepting kindness/affection? like someone who grew up in a toxic household maybe so now they have a hard time believing someone would be nice to them and might get overwhelmed every now and then with the kindness and love they're receiving

combining these <3

Zayne's kindness to you is second nature. He thinks of you basically every day and worries about how reckless you can be with your health or person so he's always taking care of you. It's not even because he's a doctor - it's solely because he loves you.

He takes notice of how awkward you seem whenever you receive one of his kind gestures but doesn't point it out. In fact, he just starts treating you even better to see if it helps.

Over time you'd get used to it but when you do happen to get overwhelmed he'll remind you that he's doing this because he loves you. You don't need to pay him back at all because he doesn't look at this as though it's something transactional. To make you feel better he'll also tell you that you already pay him through your love for him. You can try and convince him that it's not enough but he won't hear any of it.

Even if you try to push him away he just continues to treat you the same, telling you that you won't be able to get rid of him just by pretending that you don't love him anymore. He reassures you that he knows what you're really after and that he promises he does love you more than life itself and he's more than happy to spend the rest of his proving it. He's normally not that vocal about his affection for you so you're forced to accept his words as truth, knowing he'd never lie to you about that.

Xavier doesn't understand why you don't accept any of his attention or what all of the pushback is at first. He thinks that maybe it's just because it's not stuff that you like so he just needs to try harder, meaning his gestures get bigger. That means he gets a little clingier or tries to think of nice ways to communicate that he loves you. He's holding and kissing you, whispering sweet words to you until you ask him to give you a bit of room. His feelings are slightly hurt but he doesn't hold it against you, knowing there's a reason why you're asking him to.

When you push back even harder he decides to ask you himself. He asks if he's just not able to make you happy or if there's something more specific that he should be doing. You try to tell him that you just don't want him to do anything for you - that you don't deserve. Mind you you're doing all of this while also cooking him a meal because you wanted to show him appreciation for working so hard/you trying to make yourself feel like you earned the gifts he gave you.

He's shocked you feel that way and tells you that you never have to earn his love or care - he absolutely adores you no matter what. He does start toning down the attention he gives you to hopefully digestible bites to get you used to it.

Rafayel's loves spoiling you in gifts and his attention. He hates it when you refuse to accept them. If it's his affection you refuse he'll mope and pout until you take him back into your arms with apologies but if it's gifts then he'll just take them back to his house and try again another day to give it to you.

When it becomes too frequent of a pattern he'll confront you, asking if his money isn't good enough or his words not sweet enough. You keep telling him that it's not an issue of him not being enough, just that you don't deserve such kindness. You work harder the more he gives you, or if the day's a little rough you just shut down.

Rafayel finds a moment when you're relaxing to pull you into his lap, peppering your face in kisses and telling you how much he loves you. He aims to overwhelm you to the extent of making you shut down and melt into him. Once you're absolutely relaxed he tells you that you don't need to work so hard just for him to praise you. You deserve every bit of his love he has for you and he's just going to be more hurt if you deny him. He manages to lightly scold you, finding a way for you to relent and start accepting more of his intentions.

Sylus doesn't like it when you reject him. He doesn't want to push your boundaries too much and force himself onto you but he also unintentionally does so when he pulls you in closer to him or gives you presents of things he found while out. You occupy his every thought so it's not hard for him to find a little trinket or 12 whenever he's out and about for work.

You try to tell him to stop or that you're really okay with him needing time away from you. Sometimes you get the sense that he's just entertaining your whims without actually wanting to, shyly divulging this to you one evening when he's holding you tightly to avoid you running away from him again.

He laughs at the thought, finding it hilarious that you could really think something like that. You think he's laughing at you, pouting and trying to turn away but he turns you back, kissing you sweetly. He reassures you that there's no way he'd truly think that you were a bother to him. Everything he does for you is solely because he loves you. It takes him more time then he thought to reassure you but he doesn't mind. His attentions are already yours so there's no reason why that'd change just because it's a little difficult for you to accept them wholly..

[headspace-hotel]

College is good for several things. In the USA, it's good for learning facts about history and the rest of the world that high school either didn't tell you or flat-out lied about. Without college, most people would never encounter the academic resources necessary to unlearn lies and biases instilled by the overwhelmingly USA-centric, whitewashed viewpoint taught in most school systems, or the vocabulary needed to ask after those resources.

If (and only if) you are already extroverted and gregarious, college is good for making friends. It's probably good for some other things too.

But college is not very good for many of the things it supposedly does for people. College appears to be good for personal growth, but any environment with unfamiliar people, new experiences, and a large library would do. In fact, the academic rigors of college are probably mostly incidental to personal growth that occurs there. You learn about yourself in college in spite of, not because of, the rigid and demanding academic expectations, which serve to cement you further in what you think you already know about yourself because that is safer than discovering you might be something totally different.

It also doesn't prepare you very well for any other environment, because it is so different from any other environment you might encounter. At least in the USA, there are hardly any communities that are similar to college. College has an environment of communal living among mostly same-aged people, numerous public spaces, an endless hemorrhage of community-run events, and constant mother-henning by the institution as they encourage you to take advantage of all the services they fail to do a good job at providing. Authority figures are clearly delineated from peers and you have a clear hierarchical relationship with people that are not also students. It is an opportunity to practice adulthood, but one that supports you in the wrong ways and fails to support you in the right ones, both stifling and neglectful.

Colleges are brutally insistent on this peculiar style of community structure that you probably won't ever encounter again in your life, all the while being incredibly unforgiving if you fail to adapt to it. There are lots of rules, some of which are plain-attired descriptions of consequences as real as a granite wall, most of which reflect nothing except the fact that someone in authority would like to prevent a specific type of bad-faith exploitation of a more forgiving policy. The pure-hearted student is supposed to be able to ignore these rules and be judged according to the unspoken, more forgiving policy that is invoked when an authority likes your vibes.

This means part of surviving college is cultivating the right vibes, and part of cultivating the right vibes is being abled and not experiencing any extenuating circumstances ever. If you are having a mental health crisis that is stopping you from succeeding, the truth is as good as a lie; of course everyone struggles with mental health in college in these specific pre-cut ways, have you tried breathing exercises? If you are stressed and terrified all the time and whenever you sit still it feels like the universe is screaming through you, you will be abandoned because crisis is rare and interrupts otherwise normal life, and everyone claims to be having a crisis right now. "This system works!" and if we just repeat it hard enough the system will start to work.

If the truth is as good as a lie, then a lie is as good as the truth, and the ability to receive help when you need it is determined not by actually needing help but by being a better liar.

What if people lie to get accommodations they don't really need? I don't know the answer to this, because I find a different question more compelling: What if people lie to get accommodations they do really need?

Institutions are terrified of the possibility of a person that pretends to be disabled, and often they impress that terror into disabled people, who become terrified that THEY are pretending to be disabled, when probably almost all disabled people must pretend to be disabled because the raw Reality of what they experience as a person would be a brain-melting arcane and eldritch encounter for an Institution. Institutions don't see us. They see broad human tropes, masks worn by any number of actors. Some people are diligent students and some are lazy; some hone their potential and talent and others refuse, for whatever reason, to unlock it. This belief is so fundamental to our entire philosophy of shaping and educating students that if it directly encountered the Truth (whatever that may be), the truth would not survive.

If you want to be a good student (and I wanted to be and I was) the mask will become welded to your face and you will forget it's a mask partly because you will like how much better you were treated with the mask on. I sit in a therapy session, thinking, "Why am I framing my pain in a way that makes it seem less complicated and more solvable but doesn't cut to the truth of the matter? Which one of us benefits from that?"

The world is slowly, woundedly crawling into being a performance where everyone competes to pretend that they aren't dying. I have a version of me that struggles with school because I am autistic, but secretly I suspect successful, well-adjusted college students that manage their mental health and friendships and work do not exist in the way we think they must. After all, what of the numerous college students that cheat, that plagiarize, that make ChatGPT write their essays? My professors can all give examples of students that did, and their poor and shoddy attempts, but all this suggests is that the clever and cunning ones seldom get caught. In dealing with institutions, anything an honest person can do through their honesty, a good enough liar can do better with their lies.

[crownmemes]

Advice Sentences, Vol. 1

(Sentences to send to muses that need a little advice. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Life never turns out the way you think it will."

"There's no such thing as forgiveness. People just have short memories."

"It never hurts to try and see ourselves as others do."

"If you insist on living a dream, you may be taken for mad."

"There are always repercussions for failing; the key is to adapt before they arrive."

"To kill the snake, you have to cut off its head."

"You must strive to find your own voice, because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all."

"Do as I say, not as I do."

"There's a thin line between obligation and obsession."

"No game is worth playing if you can't win."

"If you make a mess on your own doorstep, you're bound to slip on it."

"None of us go on forever."

"You can't win them all."

"There are always unintended consequences to everything we do."

"No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world."

"If there's one thing I've learnt, it's you can't run away from your own life."

"A lie is most convincingly hidden between two truths."

"Every choice you make has a consequence in the future. One wrong choice and you lose."

"We all have a great need for acceptance, but you must trust that your beliefs are unique - your own - even though others may think them odd or unpopular."

"You were out of line today."

"Don't do anything rash."

"There's a time for daring, and there's a time for caution, and a wise man understands which is called for."

"Don't ask a question you don't want to know the answer to."

"Eccentrics are only tolerated so long as they come up with the goods."

"There's no point in fighting battles you can't win."

"Nothing makes a smart man stupid like a thirst for vengeance."

"Nobody gets rich on their own money."

"My advice? Don't dwell on that man's petty deceptions."

"You want my advice? Never sleep with someone you work with."

"Just a quick tip; you never want to block a punch with your face."

"To truly defeat an enemy, you must know him better than yourself."

"Your reputation won't last if you don't do your job!"

"If you live the lie long enough, you become the lie."

"Sucking the marrow out of life doesn't mean choking on the bone."

"Out of order is no good to anyone. Out of step is much better. That way, you tread on the bits the other people miss."

[allisonlol]

HII !! could you do dazai, chuuya and fyodor with a s/o that forgot pretty much everything from their past/forgets a lot in the present due to trauma? if possible male reader, and if not gn works aswell! thank you :))

a/n: felt this req hard LOL

warnings: memory loss, past trauma (not elaborated on)

(Dazai, Chuuya, Fyodor) With a S/O with Memory Loss From Trauma

Dazai

i feel like dazai can relate in some ways because he too has immense trauma but instead of forgetting it, he remembers it too well

therefore in a way he's grateful that ur brain is blocking those memories so u don't have to remember the pain

dazai had noticed your forgetful behavior the second he met you, and had already categorized it as due to trauma in your past

honestly finds your forgetfulness adorable but it also enrages him bc someone hurt you enough to cause it

simply does not comment on any of this though. if you mention that you forgot something that happened literally yesterday he'll simply smile at you (is that a hint of sadness in his expression?) and reassure u that it's okay

will text u updates throughout the day to make sure u aren't forgetting anything

pictures pictures pictures!!!! literally photographs everything u guys do together so you can always look back to remember :)

but unbeknownst to you, dazai will secretly do some deep digging into your past to find out exactly what happened and who to get revenge on <3

^trust me when i say they will deeply regret everything they had ever done to you

Chuuya

it's canon that chuuya can't remember what... the first 7 years of his life? so he totally understands

he won't question u at all abt the reasonings for your memory loss unless u wanted to talk abt it

does get worried abt your current forgetfulness though. with a job as strenuous as being in the mafia, having a good memory is important

^if any of the higher ups knew you weren't "sufficient enough" in that department, despite your other strengths, you would be disposed of

this added stress doesn't help you at all but chuuya does his best to keep you safe

^having a boyfriend who is also your executive is very useful in this aspect

leaves little notes and reminders on your desk so u won't forget anything important

hell, chuuya will even fill out reports for you if u were having trouble remembering the events that took place

i feel like he would also pay very close attention to everything u guys do together so, if you forgot, he would be able to tell you all about it

Fyodor

another one who categorized your memory loss as due to trauma the second he met you

unlike the others tho, he will question u about it

if you’re honest with him & say that it’s due to traumatic events, he’ll ask if you want him to do anything about it for you (in other words, find and eliminate the ones who caused it 😊)

^if you say no to this, he’ll nod and agree with u but secretly hunt them down on his own

however if you lie to fyodor and say that you’re just forgetful (not due to trauma) he’ll frown & keep asking probing questions until he gets the truth out of u

has he heard of privacy? like damn

^its out of love tho. not saying it’s right but fyodor shows his care by learning as much abt u as possible. he needs to know everything, good or bad

finds your current forgetfulness adorable, albeit irritating at times (remember who we’re talking abt here)

if you forgot an event or important piece of information he will get slightly annoyed with you & might say some insensitive things 😬

^tho once he sees that he’s upset you, fyodor will usually sigh and apologize

recommends u keep a journal for reminders, however he also logs all events that u do alone or together so you won’t forget in the future

taglist: @deadmitochondria @miycutie @scul-pted @exorcisedstraydog @chuuyasboots @shy-socially-awkward-intovert @beandaifuku @stygianoir @sonder-paradise @dreaming-of-ambedo @nervousyetconfidentway @beautiful-is-boring @irethepotato @serenareiss @thescrunkly @ashthemadwriter @mrsdostoevsky @creamygojo @disa-ster

[yinwaryuri]

Okay here I come with thoughts that I'm not sure many people will be on board with, but I'm gonna share anyway because who cares! Wandee Goodday is doing a fantastic job selling characters who are ridiulous, and many of them are charming. I'm gonna talk about the guy who isn't. Charming that is.

I Think Ter Is In The Closet

And I'm only using bits from episode 4 to demonstrate this. Sorry if you need more to be convinced.

Ter is a strange character because we meet him through Wandee, when he's still up on a pedestal. That image almost immediately gets crumpled and tossed into oncoming traffic to be flattened in a rubbery, Bangkok traffic death. Dee confesses his feelings and Ter insists he's straight. He's straight. He's straight! He likes women, not men. Sorry. To make matters worse, he pulls the asshole move of just asking Dee to leave the scholarship to him.

These men have known each other for eight years. Eight fucking years and this is where things are going? If we know how much of a disaster Dee is, then it really makes me wonder what disaster side of himself Ter has (aside from what we know).

(thinking them gaaayyy thoughts) (also this weirdo doesn't listen to music while working out? no wonder he's the devil)

Ter is recalling the moment when Yak came into the hospital with flowers for Dee, called him tee-rak, and the two of them are looking at each other like. Like That.

Super normal for a hetero dude to focus on that part of his long-term colleague's life. And if he were a huge homophobe, I could understand it being a possible upset, but then he wouldn't be so close to Dee if that were the case. This is Golf Tanwarin we're being led by here.

Our Devil Doctor is pulled out of his train of thought by the appearance of a shirtless Plakao

Guys, I won't lie to you, I yelled NO aloud because for a second I thought he was going to have his come to Jesus with our favorite asexual king, and as an asexual who worships Plakao and how amazing he is, I just wasn't gonna have it!

And the first thing Ter notices? Kao is alone - specifically, he isn't accompanied as usual by his bestie Wandee. So Ter immediately interrupts his workout to question him. Kao responds that Dee's with his boyfriend now, which prompts more questioning about their relationship from Ter.

Yeah, Ter. What's it matter to you?

You turned Wandee away because you're straight. So, obviously that's a no, right? Right?

Not addressing that then. Okay. We'll just hit the skip button for that dialogue option, I guess.

As a tenured colleague and friend, that would be the natural reaction to this. Kao is a wise, wise man, and like many an asexual, he has done the work of figuring himself out while living in an allonormative world (while also recognizing he likes men! I cannot stress enough how beautifully nuanced his okay). From what he understands (and is stating for Ter to ponder), is that this would make sense for someone who doesn't harbor any other kinds of feelings toward Dee and until recently, has been on good terms with him.

But Ter doesn't get to ponder because he gets called away and immediately forced to face Dee happily walking hand in hand with Yak. It's awkward. Dee excuses himself and Yak. And then Ter's eyes foooolloooww.....

And later he gets back to his room with the number of the beast and fondly recalls when Dee used to leave snacks on his door....

(crowd goes awww)

But this guy can't help but notice while he's doing an evening workout -

Hey! There are Dee and Yak again! Being all cute in the pool! It's too coincidental! (He had not considered that his colleague works at the same place and has a similar schedule, therefore all this appropriately timed boyfriendism could only happen within that schedule)

So he has to conclude that it isn't real.

Little does Ter know that it was originally intended for YakDee to be fake boyfriends; that he'd stumbled upon the truth immediately. What he wasn't expecting was for Dee to double down not only to not be caught plotting like that, but because he's way further into his feelings for Yak than he is fully aware of.

I cannot stress how interesting it is so see this man be so obsessed over their relationship. Anyone who would call themselves a close friend or colleague would simply be happy for Dee, maybe warn him about some people who are less accepting if that were an issue, and then continue focusing on whatever it is he's doing for the scholarship. And maybe he does focus on the scholarship - we aren't shown his side of it because it's not important - but if that's true and his secondary focus is theorizing that Dee's relationship is fake? TER? WORSTIE?????

And then this happens!

Now I've seen a lot of people taking this as manipulation and I'm not going to call them wrong. It is exactly that. But I think he's also seeing if maybe he missed a chance? It wasn't that long ago that Dee was reminiscing about the past eight years together and Ter had decided the scholarship was more important than pursuing whatever thing they had between each other. Ter is realizing he doesn't want to throw either of them away, but still has his heart with the money. So he improvises a lame little plea, it's badly executed, and we get sad eyes watching Dee leave.

I would've expected him to curse under his breath, or have some sort of small scale tantrum after that interaction if he was fully planning to manipulate Dee like that. His melancholy here is what has me thinking that it wasn't well thought out, and there's a part of him who cares about his relationship with Dee and wishes it could carry on as it used to.

Ter continues to obsess. We know he'd immediately seen the story Dee posted, and it seems he's returning to it again (knowing social media habits, he's likely checked it several times in between).

CAUGHT.

Kwan, in contrast to Ter, is also Dee's colleague. She finds him and his boxer boyfriend just charming!

This line kills the entire conversation. There's very obvious tension about this subject.

To me this is where Ter has kinda said the quiet part out loud. He's more concerned about his own image. To whom? His family? His patients? Future opportunities? To himself? Not that there's nothing for Dee to be worried about (this is in Thailand where gay marriage is not legal yet, after all), but he has had a good reception of being publicly queer so far. Is that due to his queerness being more pronounced? Has Ter ridden for most of his life on being able to pass as straight because he was afraid of the consequences?

I'm gonna take a hard left for a moment, and then redirect.

There's a scene in the film To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar where a sheriff (who has had an altercation with a drag queen and is looking for her for severely homophobic reasons) sits in a saloon and essentially narrates gay erotica aloud like he's trying to process the concept of homosexuality. He's disturbed about the idea. The people around him are also disturbed by his imaginings. It almost gives the sense that his thoughts come from desire, but he's been taught too much hate about that desire to recognize it.

And this is the moment where I just felt sorry for Ter. It seems like he maybe has some deep-seated denial, and it's being overturned by everything Dee is doing. It doesn't excuse him, but shit's gotta suck. And it's clear his disturbance with the idea of Dee having gotten over any feelings for him will be hard to reckon with on top of deciding how he feels about Dee himself. P'Golf does their antagonistic and confused gays well.

[lemotmo]

She's replying to a lot so you will probably get more but this one is 🥳🩶🤧

Q. The way the show set them up as endgame only to cave to Oliver and others is such a joke. I'm honestly so embarrassed for you all.

A. I'm not going to lie anon when I read this tonight my original reply was going to be far different in tone than the one I'm going to give. I want so badly to tell you all of the things that I have bitten my tongue on for the last several months but this has been an emotionally crippling week for me so I'm going to give you the grace you don't deserve simply because I don't ever want to be the reason someone is suffering. Make no mistake I have saved several asks specifically to come back to and address once the breakup happened so I will express those thoughts and feelings but you're going to get the benefit of kindness that you didn't bother to extend. I'm going to be kind but I'm also going to be truthful.

The show didn't set them up as anything other than what Tommy said at the end of the episode. The show has been very transparent with what Tommy's purpose was. He was never going to be anything more than Buck's introduction to his bisexuality. He was always going to be the first not the last. And the show could not have been more obvious about that. I actually genuinely enjoyed that break-up scene. And while I know that you and others will take that as me making a dig at Tommy, that's not what I'm doing. He did the right thing. He did the fair thing for Buck and himself. He's been where Buck is. He cared enough about Buck to stop him from making a mistake that would hurt them both. He did a good thing. He did the right thing. I understand that doesn't make you feel better because we have all been there. We have all fallen for a plot device at some point or the other. It sucks. And it hurts. And I'm sorry that you're hurting. Lots of you don't deserve that sympathy. But in this moment I'm going to give it to you. Because no matter how insignificant some people believe pain over a fictional television character is it is genuine pain for those of us who love that character, regardless if anyone else understands that or not. It fucking hurts. So you can hurt. And you can rage. But you don't get to rage at Oliver. None of this is Oliver's fault. He was the one being honest with you all. I begged you all to listen to him. I begged you all to follow his lead. Because those of us who have been here knew what he was doing. He was trying to protect you all from your expectations. We've been on the receiving end of that. We know what it looks like. And more than one person in your fandom was aware of what he was doing as well because they were Buddie shippers first. They just decided to pretend that it wasn't what they knew it was.

I don't know how to make this part sound kind because the truth of it is unkind but it is what happened. He grifted you all. He knew he was temporary. He can say whatever he wants in an interview but he knew because the show wasn't subtle about his plotline. He knew he was temporary but he was aware enough of you all that he saw an opportunity for self promotion and he took it. At the expense of you. He sold you a tissue of lies. And he always wrapped them up just generic enough to allow him plausible deniability for intentionally misleading you. But that's what he did. He willingly and intentionally lied to you and he charged you a fee to do so. And it was disgusting. He's who you should be mad at. I know you won't. You all decided a long time ago that whatever happened was going to be Oliver's fault and Buddie fans fault. But neither one of them lied to you. He lied. You should care about that. It should bother you. Because it's foul and obscene. He took a shot at trying to force the show/network into giving him more of a role and it was a wild miscalculation on his part. That's not how these things work. He should have known that. I don't feel sorry for him. He did this to himself. I am sorry that so many of you feel played, but Oliver and the show didn't play you. Lou did. You all have the right to tell him. And you should. You're allowed to feel your pain but make sure your anger is aimed in the right direction. Take care of yourself though, anon. You can mourn the character but the actor doesn't deserve your tears. 💗

Thank you for dropping this post and it's follow-up in my inbox Nonny! Much appreciated!

Yep! I agree with a lot of this.

The only thing I don't agree with is that I didn't like that break up scene all that much. I really needed Buck to be the one to break up with Tommy. I understand why it went the way it did and it makes narrative sense in some way, but I still don't like it.

The way some of these people are blaming Oliver for this, for leading them on? That's insane. Lou is the one running around, telling blatant lies for money. And the racism towards Ryan?

Man, I hope all of these people just leave forever and never show their ugly asses in our fandom again.

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[utilitycaster]

Wizard Breakdown Tracker: Downfall part 3

Ultimately, I associate the Wizard Breakdown Tracker with Aeor; I began it during the middle of the Nein's Aeor arc, and even bringing it back for the Nein reunions feels like it's missing something. That thing, it turns out, is a city of Wizard Hubris.

There are no wizard PCs so we can dispense with the formalities. For the purposes of this post, while The Raven Queen is an ex-wizard, Emhira isn't and is counted as a warlock, and The Raven Queen is counted as just a straight up god. As always, in no particular order, and if a wizard is not mentioned it's because I didn't have anything funny nor serious enough to say about them.

Calamity-era Wizards

Adamar: literally no idea. I think he was stressed but he got vaporized by Meteor Swarm (completely within the realm of mortal achievement btw; Imogen Temult could take it in 4 levels) before things really broke bad. Like 7/10; he was in pitched combat but he had 3 dragons and a bunch of demons on his side.

Primarch Selena: There are going to be a few wizards in this who truly do embody a more profound breakdown than anything we've seen before. Selena is one. What does it mean to be so good at creating a mortal-made form of life that the god of beauty chooses to reside in this when picking a vessel? What does it mean to realize in the same instant that your life's work is what doomed you and its target is standing in front of you and now holds your life in their hands? In the end, she doomed her city twice while also actively repenting; it's not just gods who contain multitudes and conflict. But also 10/10.

Arcadia Cerenvetorix: Well, she got tricked by Asmodeus and stuffed in a bottle. Asmodeus did a good job of imitating her too which, as a deity of truth and knowledge cannot feel great, to know that Guy Whose Thing Is Lying has your number even if he is technically lying and therefore in his wheelhouse in pretending to be you. Then she gets let out having been saved by SILAHA, who as a result of saving her, cannot stop Selena. I have to imagine this series of consequences drives some of her decision making in the very end, although at that point she is technically not a wizard and therefore out of the scope of this post. Anyway, 9/10; she did almost die.

Cassida Previn: There's no option for this other than 10/10. Her revelations were delivered with far less kindness than even Selena's; we see her break. She has time to consider that her good intentions have doomed Aeor as well as find the deity she's risked execution to serve is a more complicated being than what she expected and does not approve of her greatest act of service. And that's before we consider that the Society of Primes is implied to have not been successful (we don't know, since the Factorum Malleus is never fired, so it could be a bluff; but the Primes are heavily indicated to be in just as much danger) and that's also before her final moments are being presumably tortured by Asmodeus. I don't know if she really renounced The Everlight; Asmodeus lies, but it's not an unexpected consequence. As The Everlight says, it doesn't matter; she was well within her rights to feel however she felt in those last moments and it does not erase all that she did before. If she didn't it was a lie from Asmodeus, and if she did, she is forgiven entirely.

Those guys who were dragons for a hot second: Honestly? What a way to go. I wouldn't even be mad. 6/10.

The Wizards In The Cognouza Ward: THEY LEFT SO EARLY. AND FOR WHAT. Like, yes, yes, you want to show the moment so you have to do it pretty early on because you won't have the viewpoint of the divine entities later on since they'll be in the Genesis Ward, but COME ON MAN. It really is like...you could have been The Ring of Brass to Aeor. If you wanted to sound the early warning you could have done some strategic teleporting of as many people you could get onto Exandria, despite the storm, and hell, you could have taken a long rest and planeshifted the next fucking day if you had to go to the Astral Plane so badly but nooooo you had to fuck everyone else over. I mean does anyone deserve a millennium of madness and horror as Cognouza eventually became? no. But like, maybe a few years for this bullshit. 5/10 because it isn't bad yet because they jumped the fucking gun. and again. for what.

843 PD Wizards watching this or just hanging out elsewhere

Essek Thelyss: I imagine he is like those pictures of the math lady except he fully understands the math. Absolute mind blown. Trying to figure out the Luxon's relationship to Tengar if there is one. Wondering why Aeor was working on Cognouza and the Factorum Malleus and not their various Luxon experiments. Trying to figure out if the gods used the same principle as consecution. Trying to reconcile the image of Lolth as weirdly adorable with the horrors he knows his people escaped. Also he has been watching a movie for like 13-ish hours but I wonder if floating means his legs haven't fallen asleep. 6/10.

Allura Vyesoren: I really like to imagine she messaged one of Bells Hells and they were like "can I call you back later we're watching a movie" and she is just like I am getting too old for this shit. 4/10 in like, the relative sense of all wizards in this 843 PD narrative are dealing with an existential threat but like within that context, 4/10.

Caleb Widogast: I feel like the Nein would be best deployed to Ria'Doin but he might be on some other weird mission given that Essek was sent to Aeor in his place, and hopefully, we get a one-shot out of this. For me. Anyway though for practical reasons he did just hear from Essek recently and Trent seems gone for good so, within the broader "Ludinus Da'leth is fucking over existence" context, also like a 4/10.

Yussa Errenis: Really hard to tell! What unhinged fuckery that doesn't require physically leaving the house is this small bastard (affectionate) up to. Is he on the moon? Is Nicodranas on a nexus point thus sending him to some far-flung region of Exandria? Did he try to question Halas and get trapped in the gem? Is he just ignoring Iva Deshin? Anyway given his track record I am going to say 9/10 and he is in some kind of peril that is low-key his own fault, but it's anyone's guess.

Astrid Becke: Imagine being screwed over so hard you have to go undercover in retail. I think that fantasizing over who gets to land a killing blow in D&D Actual Play is not terribly interesting; what happens happens, and such fantasies are usually a dull slog of "who is wronged most" which is never good. With that said I don't think she is the most wronged, if that's even a metric one can know; and also I know this is not going to happen given her very tangential nature as a minor NPC in the story being told here; and I don't think I am speaking about a just or kind world in this fantasy; but in a world that aims for justice but lands in pettiness, she would get the final blow on Ludinus Da'leth. 7/10.

Ludinus Da'leth: There's a tumblr-famous post in which someone makes a lot of wild-ass claims about the status of, iirc, women who spun thread in medieval Europe and then when people were like "I don't think that's right" posted a fuckload of links and the phrase "*steeples fingers*" and then someone actually clicked on the links and was like "uh none of these back up your point, actually; most of them have little to do with it and what few do address it either contradict what you are saying, or are similarly unsourced from non-experts." Anyway I think we can all see the value in checking the citations and vetting your sources here, a lesson The Martinet seems to have failed to internalize. He is however either at a 3/10 or an 8/10 depending on precisely how up his own ass he is and whether he realizes he showed footage far too complicated to make but a single easy argument.

[yesimwriting]

Without Faith

a/n giggling and kicking my feet rn btw, this is meant to be a set up for something longer! lmk if you're interested in part 2 :)

Summary: After a news story that was only meant to be an internship assignment spirals into a crime story that earns national attention, you feel conflicted enough about your involvement to join a criminal psychology class despite being a journalism major. Despite your good intentions, the universe seems to have it out for you considering your slightly older professor is extremely attractive and the only person that seems to understand what you're going through.

Warnings/info: age gap (reader is of consenting age tho!!), future student-professor relationship, slow burn, slight changes to how college works for the sake of plot, a surprising amount of lore (i got carried away), me writing for a character for a first time on here so be kind 😭

----

It's not often one finds their enemy crumpled up and lying helplessly next to an overflowing garbage can. It's even rarer to see that and still feel the bitter sting of defeat.

"He didn't text me back, which is weird because when I ran into him on Friday--" Carlie, who might know you better than you know yourself, pauses.

You turn your head away from the trash in an attempt to abandon the newspaper as completely as the person who had thrown it away. "You saw James last week? You didn't tell me."

She watches you for a moment, her eyebrows pulling together in a way that tells you she won't accept your lie just because you're offering her an opportunity to re-dissect her most recent interaction with her latest target. "You know I did."

Carlie shifts her weigh from one foot to the other, her eyes drifting towards the ground. "It's there because it's old--it's over."

It's over. The words crack themselves against your skull. More than a sentence, more than a promise. The only consolation the state's attorney could offer grieving families. The sound ringing in your ears as a mother gave into her agony, a choked sob ripping its way out of her throat.

It's over--the catalyst that sent the mother to you in a parking lot illuminated by stale, synthetic lighting. They're the reason for her confession, that in some off-kilter way she thought the verdict would make her feel better.

It's over--the syllables that accompany the sound of the needle leaving Josh Robinson's lifeless body. Killed by the justice system or the media?

"You didn't do anything wrong." Carlie's voice is careful in its unflinchingness. "He was a serial killer. You--you wrote the truth."

And while this awareness has bound itself to your bones, it is rarely enough to make you forget what you did wrong. Journalists are impartial, they don't--they're supposed to understand, they're supposed to be careful. You took it a step further.

"I know."

You don't need to look up to know that you haven't convinced her. However, you must have sounded okay enough for Carlie to accept moving on. "And you're doing more than anyone else would do to make your true crime even better."

It's an exaggeration. Journalists have done a lot more for their careers than request to join a class that belongs to a department unrelated to their degree. But Carlie seems so happy to be able to compliment you, you decide to go with a less sentimental correction, "Not true crime."

"I know, journalism." She sighs, but continues to walk forward in a way that feels oddly optimistic. Maybe even relieved. "Make sure you point out the difference to the professor. I'm sure he'll love that."

You roll your eyes at her sarcasm, but follow her lead anyway. You've already perfected the elevator pitch you're planning to present to Dr. Spencer Reid. A brief but genuine description of the importance of ethical journalism, especially when it comes to writing about serial killers.

You're well practiced and far from worried about winning him over. Academic authority figures have always taken well to you...it also doesn't hurt that you spent all night googling him just to be safe.

"Actually," she begins, pulling open the door to the psychology building, "I bet there's no room for original material in the interaction that you've already imagined, planned, and mentally rehearsed."

You scoff as you step past the door's threshold. "No," the word is dismissive and entirely unconvincing. You instinctually move past it. "Go talk to your advisor about your thesis, I'll meet with Dr. Reid, and then we can order food or something."

The reminder of her own meeting seems to kill the mood, her smile morphing into something more focused. Carlie lets out a small breath. "Right. We got this." And with one final assuring nod, Carlie turns towards the stairwell.

----

The thought is a dull ache that wedges itself into your chest before you can bring yourself to knock against the door. It'll follow you forever.

When you step into the room, Dr. Reid will inevitably ask why you want to join his class. And then you'll have to answer.

You exhale as you extend your arm, knuckles rapping against the wooden surface before overthinking can hurt you any further. After a brief silence, you hear a slightly muffled, "Come in."

You reach for the brass handle, pulling the door open before stepping past the doorway's threshold.

The office is comfortable, a large desk and two plush chairs manage to share the space without seeming cramped. There's a pencil holder and several stacks of papers on the desk's surface. If one ignores the degrees--and the age of the recipient when he received them--on the walls, the office seems normal. Almost suspiciously so. There's even a partially wilted plant sitting on the windowsill.

After taking in the room, you let your attention fall to the individual behind the desk. He's--he--while you've read enough about Dr. Reid to already respect him, and are fully aware that he is far from your peer, you're also now looking at him.

Last night, you did stumble onto a few pictures of him that forced you to reluctantly make a mental note of the fact that he's aesthetically pleasing, but those occasionally blurry snapshots did him and his sharp features little justice.

"Hello," the word is an instinct, slipping past your lips before you're ready to speak.

"Hi," his response is as sudden and lacking in context as your own--a fact that immediately eases you.

Dr. Reid shifts, back straightening against his seat. "You're here for your appointment." You barely have the chance to nod in confirmation before he's continuing, "Come in, take a seat."

In all honesty, you're more glad for the direction than the excuse to sit. You enter his office fully, approaching the plush chair in front of his desk. You sit down, lips parting before you're ready to speak. All structured thoughts have abandoned you.

"Hi." You realize your mistake immediately. You blink, a sound between a self deprecating laugh and a sigh escaping you. "I already said that."

If Dr. Reid thinks anything of your mistake, he gives no indication of it. His expression remains steady, with the exception of the corner of his mouth briefly tugging itself upwards.

Your hands come together on your lap, one of your nails pressing into the nail bed of the thumb on your opposite hand before forcing yourself to relax. You've read enough about his work with the FBI to know that he's so adept at analyzing behavior, you don't need to make it easy for him by giving into obvious signs of nervousness.

"Like I mentioned in my email, I'm interested in joining your class even though it's not an elective and in an entirely different department than my degree." This part is easy, a perfunctory explanation of what he already knows. "However, there is enough overlap that my advisor is supportive of the idea and has already signed off on it."

He shifts again, his pointer finger tapping against the surface of his desk. "Right, she mentioned that, but she didn't mention why."

Okay. This is the part that matters. "I'm a journalism major, and I've recently completed an internship with The Washing Sun." In an act of total self betrayal, you study his expression for any hint of recognition. Finding absolutely none makes it easier to breathe. "And spending time in such an active, journalistic environment has made me fully aware of the way that morals and personal views can complicate ethics."

You pause, pressing your lips together. "I'd like the opportunity to learn about certain behaviors in order to develop a perspective separate from my own.

Though still politely neutral, something behind Dr. Reid's eyes implies an uncertainty that has the rest of your pitch jamming itself down your throat. Whatever's changed doesn't feel like disbelief, and you're far from worried about being accused of lying. You were careful to comb through your mess of emotions before you had even pitched the idea to your advisor--you do feel those things, they're just not the only things you feel.

How delusional had you been to assume the same answers that hid their vagueness behind a heavy layer of altruism that worked on Mrs. Carol would work on a FBI profiler?

"I um--" The sound of your own voice surprises you. "I know what it's like to write something when you can't feel anything for the person everyone's already rooting against, and I'd like to not feel that again." Another glimmer of honesty, barer than your curated story, but still not exactly everything.

Dr. Reid is quiet for a moment, studying you with an openness that should make your skin crawl. "What did it feel like?"

The question throws you. Friends, family, strangers--they've all asked you things about the case, about your article, about hundreds of other things so barely connected you couldn't fathom an answer. No one has ever asked you about that feeling.

"Uh..." You're not even sure you have an answer. "Weird." Your blankness feels like such a cop out, you feel the need to try again. What did it feel like? A hybrid beast made of a festering not-quite-guilt, an over awareness of your every action, all held together by an uneasy pride...that only served to further aggravate the not guilt. "Like I was doing something right and wrong, with no way of knowing what it was more of."

You squeeze your hands together, allowing yourself to focus on the action instead of him. "I'm sorry, that probably doesn't make much sense."

When you finally lift your head, Dr. Reid is already looking at you. A moment passes, the somberness of his features growing heavier in the silence. Maybe he's looking at something past you. "It does."

The affirmation is a small, fragile thing, so faint and far away it almost feels like an intrusion to have heard it. Some selfish part of you latches onto that, his unexpected understanding a lifeline you can't let go of.

You almost thank him before realizing that you have no idea what you'd be thanking him for. "I'm glad," you settle on, fingers carefully coming apart on your lap. "The writing thing's no good if I don't make sense."

The attempt at humor seems to pull him back from wherever he had gone. "Then you have nothing to worry about." He doesn't exactly smile, but there's something easy about the way he's looking at you. "I'll approve your enrollment request."

Relief floods through you immediately. "Really?"

"Maybe it'll help you feel less...weird." From him, your too plain adjective feels a lot more fitting.

You nod once, the motion quick and polite. "Hopefully." The beat of silence that follows comes closer to kinship than anything you've ever felt in someone's office. You're also fully aware of the fact that you've gotten what you came for and that Dr. Reid is likely a very busy man. "I shouldn't take up anymore of your time."

His fingers tap against his desk. "Right. I'll see you in class."

You smile as you stand. "See you then."

The walk towards the door is a lot less intimidating now. Still, once you reach it, you can't bring yourself to immediately reach for the handle. You pause, letting out a breath before turning around. "Dr. Reid?"

He looks up, nodding once in a way that's meant to prompt you. Maybe it's overkill, but it feels necessary and it's too late to back out now. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He doesn't look away from you after responding.

There's nothing left to expect, there are no words or anything else meant to be said. That's not enough to stop some unknown feeling from wedging itself between your ribs, urging you to something, to say anything that might come close to offering him the same kind of understanding he's given you.

"I hope you find a less weird, too."

He doesn't respond, but something about the look behind his eyes and his slight nod makes you feel okay about leaving him.

----

There are few ideologies that have clung to him, and even fewer that have managed to bind themselves to some integral part of his being that exists beneath his skin.

The pursuit of knowledge is one of the few constants Spencer Reid allows himself to rely on, one of the only things he allows himself to consider a saving grace. However, circumstance has prevented his views on the subject from skewing. The irony of the fact that some things are better left unknown is not lost on him.

For example, the girl that walked into his office and immediately saw through him, is better left a mystery. He'd see her in class, he'd answer her questions, he'd grade her work and offer her necessary feedback--but he will not know her.

It's a mantra, a promise that he repeats in his head again and again as his attention falls to the desktop in front of him. He attempts to grasp onto this lack of knowledge, to transform it into a tangible entity to keep him from typing your name into the search engine.

----

a/n spencer entering his garcia era while googling reader 💻🧑‍💻

anyways in ur interested in part 2 or would like to be tagged let me know!!

[baronessvonglitter]

Playing Dangerous

Tim Rockford x f!reader

Word count: 1.1K

Summary: your first day working with your boyfriend Detective Tim Rockford doesn't go exactly how you expect and he gives you something special to help get over your jitters.

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Mature and Explicit, established relationship, boyfriend!Tim Rockford, workplace quickies, p in v unprotected sex, Tim keeps his holster on during 😈 oh and he loves garters btw

FULL MASTERLIST

"I can't believe you let me be late on my very first day!" you hiss at your boyfriend as you drag him into the hallway, away from the offices and interrogation rooms.

He grins. "You can't deny you were having a pretty good time with my head between your legs this morning."

You playfully swat at him as your face turns red and you glance down the hallway to make sure no one's heard. Nobody knows you're dating the lead detective at the local PD, and certainly nobody knows he helped you land your new job as his assistant. "I missed a meeting this morning! I had to lie and tell them I got a flat tire on the way to work. You know how I feel about lying," you pout.

He strokes your cheek. "You know I don't condone dishonesty, but a little white lie never hurt anyone. Besides, would you rather tell them the truth? That you were sitting on my face for an hour and a half this morning and snoozing your alarm?"

Heat rushes through you at the memory of that morning. And of the night before that. "Of course not."

"Hey, you're my assistant. The only one you can get in trouble with is me." He rubs his hands on your arms, his deep brown eyes soft with empathy. "You know what I think will make you feel better?"

You smile. "I have a feeling I know what you're going to say, Tim."

"Why don't we find a little, very secluded place and just enjoy each other's company," he teases you with a smirk, his hands moving lower, brushing against the waistband of your skirt.

You're already wet at the thought of finding a secret place, something you've fantasized about since the day you got the job. "I'd like that.. where shall we go?"

"How about the filing room? Second floor."

You giggle but the idea is very enticing. "I'll meet you there in five?"

"Five minutes? Damn, woman, that's a lot of time to build up my craving for you. You'd better be there in three."

You laugh. "You're terrible. I'll be there in two."

You're first at the filing room. The moment he comes in you loop your arms around his neck, kissing him as the door shuts behind him and you swiftly lock it. His hands are quick to grab your ass and pull you even closer, not wasting any time. You moan into the kiss, backing away just enough to loosen his tie. Meanwhile his hands get to work unbuttoning your blouse, his fingers nimble and his touch soft. He slips the blouse off your shoulders and starts on the front opening of your lacy bra.

"Tim," you gasp as he frees your breasts, greedily palming them as he presses you to the wall.

"I've been thinking about this all morning," he groans, pulling your skirt up. He pauses, eyes wide, saliva pooling in his mouth as he sees the garters you put on especially for him.

"You didn't think I'd forget your favorite, did you?" You let out a little laugh as he playfully snaps the elastic against your thigh.

"You're keeping these on, right?" He pulls you close.

"Definitely. I was thinking you could just push my panties to the side and do whatever you want with me," you whisper.

"Don't think I won't," he growls as he kisses you again. His lips wander down your soft, elegant neck while his fingers trace your slick folds. Sighing, you palm him through his trousers, delighting in the feel of his rock-hard cock straining against the material. Tim moans against your neck, hips arching towards your touch. With skillful hands you unbuckle his belt and dip your hands inside the front, finding his warm, firm cock at the same time that he plunges his fingers into your warm wetness. You moan into each others' mouths as the pressure builds between you two.

You pull away long enough to whimper, "Fuck me." Then you smirk. "Keep the holster on," you tell him, trailing your fingertips across the leather at his shoulders.

He'd intended to make you cum at least twice before going in, but the way you beg him is just too tempting. He gladly obliges you, removing himself from the confines of his pants and teases your slit with it, dragging the bulbous tip up and down your crease, making you moan impatiently as he wears a devilish smile.

"Tim!" you whine, and in response he gives you what you want, hooking one of your legs over the crook of his arm as he opens you up and pushes in slowly to watch you squirm with need. "Please," you moan sweetly, and he slams his full length into you, bringing your other leg over his other arm, his hands cupping your ass as he moves against you.

Your gasps are muffled by his kiss as you cling to him. It's the hottest, most exciting moment of your life. Tim's breath is hot on your skin as your nails dig into his shoulders. Color rushes to your face as he increases the pace, sensing the urgency. Anyone can try that door at any time, and even though it's locked there's no reason why it should be. And you'll be caught.

Your breathing gets faster, your sighs get sharper, you push yourself against him with each thrust. His mind goes blank of everything except for the thought of bringing you to the brink so he can fall with you. You mumble words of encouragement, enthusiastically receiving everything he has to give, and he stifles your moans with his kisses. There's nothing else outside the two of you, the feel of your bodies connecting, colliding, moving towards your mutual pleasure. When you come you see stars, crying out in quick gasps as you clench around him. Tim's not far behind you, pressing himself deep inside as he comes, filling you so much you'll be leaking him all day. Your cries merge together in harmony.

You're completely spent, barely able to hold yourself up as the afterglow of the moment sets in. Tim's panting and trying to catch his breath, nuzzling your neck and getting lost in your scent. His body is still pressed to yours, savoring each second of this stolen moment.

"I promise I'll never make you late for work ever again," he says. "As long as you let me have my way with you in this very room now and then.."

You can't help but chuckle. "I guess either way we'd be breaking some rules.. but honestly I'd break every rule in the book if it meant I could be with you more often."

His brows rise in playfulness. "I didn't know I could change your mind that easily, babe.."

In response to that you kiss him. "Rules are overrated anyway."

"You are such a bad girl. I love it." He lifts you up, smiling as you give a yelp. "We still have some time. Let's try out this table.."

dividers by @firefly-graphics 👑

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What if that night in Godric's hollow Lily chose to let Voldemort kill Harry and stepped aside when Voldemort asked her to?

Self-preservation kicked in! No one knows how they will react facing death. She should not be blamed for protecting herself.

Would she be honest and tell people what really happened or make up some believable story? What would happen to her after that night? Does she leave England? How would the Order/Sirius/Dumbledore react to the events? Would Severus go after Lily and tell her he is her hero? Would this be a better AU for Lily and the wizard world?

Woof.

Well.

It's not good.

Would She Be Honest and Tell People What Happened?

We don't really know much about Lily's character is the thing. I make a lot of things up for my own benefit, but that's my taking and running with the very little we see in canon.

We really don't know how she'd react.

The way I characterize her? Feeling guilty over her husband's death (who died for her and Harry) and the fact that she survived her son (who she perhaps could have protected) she'll confess to what happened. She wants people to blame and hate her so she can punish herself for this.

And judge and punish her they do as this is something the Order and the greater public just can't understand. I'm sure rumors of how and why Lily was spared also fly and soon Lily goes from the truth of simply stepping aside (and being spared because of Snape) to having slept with Voldemort to save her life to being his spy the entire time.

What Would Happen to Her After that Night?

The gossip against her is massive and I imagine the Order never quite trusts her again. They may not kick her out, though I'm sure some (certainly Sirius who is mad with grief over James's death) vote for it. Lily may leave of her own free will out of guilt and so as not to give the Order a black eye.

The Prophet may or may not run smear campaigns against her both to distract from the realities of the Ministry not managing anything against You-Know-Who and because this is such a shocking awful story.

Lily becomes persona non grata but is presumably left alone by the Death Eaters as Voldemort chose to spare her life and the order has been passed down through the ranks (and as Voldemort is alive he keeps Bella and the Lestranges and Barty in check in a way he didn't at this point in canon).

Lily lives a miserable life in which her husband and son are both dead, she's of no help to the cause, and she's trying to get on with it.

How Would the Order/Sirius/Dumbledore React?

See above but I imagine ostracization.

Sirius would never forgive Lily for James having died and Lily just selfishly allowing Harry to be killed. I imagine he'd blame her in his mind and believe that she had betrayed James personally by doing this. Not to mention what kind of a person/Gryffindor steps aside to let her baby be murdered?

The Order at large would likely have mixed opinions but the Weasleys for example would vocally condemn Lily and despise her for this.

Dumbledore would, I imagine, think much lesser of Lily and start saying things he says about Merope about how Lily just didn't love her son enough/wasn't a very strong woman. He wouldn't condemn her quite as much as Sirius or Molly but there'd be an undertone of "this happened because you are weak".

Would Severus Go After Lily and Tell Her He's Her Hero?

Severus is home free, you bet your ass he does.

Lily's probably out of the Order, James Potter his greatest enemy is dead, Sirius is out of the picture because of James's death, even the hellspawn Harry Potter is dead and out of the way.

They can now go back to exactly what they were and the Dark Lord did hold to his promise after all (and oh dear god Severus betrayed him behind his back, hope he doesn't find out about this).

I imagine Severus would try to reconnect and either:

lie about being a Death Eater entirely (probably won't work)

say he's realized the error of his ways, admit to giving the information to Dumbledore to save Lily's life, but he can't leave the Death Eaters because of the mark/he'll certainly be killed

Probably he goes with option 2 as he can't exactly pretend he never held his views or wasn't a Death Eater at all and he firmly believes that he took this huge risk, saved her life, and he's completely redeemed now.

Would This Be a Better AU for the Wizarding World and Lily?

Well.

Lily's son and husband died horribly, she's haunted by survivor's guilt forever, all her friends hate her and she's completely isolated, Snape is back on her doorstep believing she should be grateful to him for his actions and he deserves instant forgiveness, and the Dark Lord is still alive and well, has the future minister's son in his pocket, has infiltrated the government completely, and can take over any time he pleases with one out of two prophecy children dead (and Neville... probably doesn't last long after this).

So.

No.

It's better for 0 people.

It's actually much worse for everyone except Tom.

Tom is enjoying not being a wraith in Quirrel's head, thank you very much.

[uchihaharlot]

Soooo, Madara fan is here, thanks for your last head canon about him. ^^

Can I get "what if Madara falls in love with the girl who is much younger than him (let's say he is 35? And she is 18 or 19). 😔🙏

Hello my little Madara nymphomaniac 🥵🥰 I did not forget you!! ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥 Sometimes inspiration finds me at awkward times.

NSFW; mild grooming; age gap fuckery; consensual; he brings all the girls to the yard; obsessed.

— Madara is definitely the kind of man to go for green girls. The younger, the better. Though he won’t touch one that’s not an adult. He’s a pervert, not a pedophile.

— It’s not something he seeks out either, these types of situations work best if the girl comes to him. He is always accepting the warmth of a woman, especially if she’s fawning over him and such.

— Absolutely loves, loves, loves fucking them into stupid little babbling idiots. These are the kind of girls who just broke up with their first boyfriend and never had a real man inside of them. Probably never had an actual orgasm until he rearranges their pussy. H O L Y Mackerel, when he does lobotomize them with pleasure.

— Now this particular girl though, she’s fiesty and demanding. Knows what she wants. Rocks the boat just as much as he does. Actually has Madara on edge before he’s even ready to cum. And it’s not that she’s different from most girls her age, but damn if she isn't liquid katon in his palms and on his cock.

— Edging him to his heart and cocks content until he flips her over and fucks her rotten into his mattress. The sounds she makes are sweeter than any sakura tree in bloom. Filling her soft cunt to the brim until she’s panting his name over and over. With no end in sight, they fuck like they had been well acclimated to one another for years.

— At the end of their little tryst, Madara can't decide who is more desperate for more. Him or her? Several rounds ensue until the late early hours of the morning. By the time he wakes up she's gone, which is unusual. Madara will typically spent the next several hours coaxing these young girls out of his bed and off his cock. But her?

— She just door dashed his cock and slipped out under the radar. There's something arousingly unholy about this situation. That unregistered fear of missing out kicks in and, well, he's an Uchiha. They tend to fuck hard and fall fast—usually on their terms, but damn she got him good. How aggravating it is to Madara that the seemingly obtainable has slipped through his fingers. Its not that he really wants her, but he feels slighted by her ability to fuck now and talk later never.

— Ok, maybe he is a bit jaded. More than jaded, actually. Since feelings are like the common cold to an Uchiha, he goes about waiting it out...not today old man. For some reason, it's not his cock that aches for her return, but a deeper throb. One right underneath the ribcage that makes his throat lump up with a sense of forlorn and abandonment. So, with this...uncharacteristic and intrusive as hell mindset. Madara searches for her.

— Elicits the help of friends, under the guise that she stole something valuable of his (his poor Uchiha heart). Which, to him isn't necessarily a lie....but not the full truth. He's mad with lust, would be ignorant enough to call it love almost. But that's too soon. His corneas don't make this any easier, he replays their salacious night together over and over until he has every curve and speckle on her skin memorized. 10/10 jacks off to it.

— When they finally do cross paths again, the unfamiliar squeeze of his heartstrings is nearly as taut as when she had came all over his length those some nights ago. Madara will act as indifferent as he can, but fuck if he doesn't look like dog on the street. Eyes ravaging her fully clothed form as she stands before him.

— If falling into this sort of thing for her is something she will agree to, there is not a single place on this earth she can ever hide that Madara's affections won't follow and swallow her whole. She's basically going to be treated as acting Uchiha royalty, for as long as she is by his side. No other girl dare crosses paths with this woman and Madara is finding his feelings easier to accept than he initially imagined.

[crownmemes]

Angry & Irritated Sentences, Vol. 20

(Angry and irritated sentences from various sources. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Why do I get a feeling that no isn't an option here?"

"I have limited tolerance for being ambushed."

"You may not realise this, but I've been pretty damn patient with you already."

"I don't know who you are or who you work for, but I don't care. I'm leaving."

"Now see here, if you're going to make personal remarks, then I won't stay a minute."

"You just slide through life, don't you? And everything just slides off you."

"What? Is there some rule against having fun?"

"Don't be an asshole. Do you want to hear this or not?"

"I don't have to tell you who I've slept with!"

"I suppose you think you're very clever."

"Yeah, whatever. I have enough belief for both of us, okay?"

"That was a really stupid thing to do!"

"These people trusted you and you betrayed them!"

"It is nobody's business how old I am!"

"I'm competing for your attention again, aren't I?"

"Ignoring the truth doesn't make it a lie."

"Now, I'm not calling you dumb. I'm just saying that some of the things you do are dumb!"

"You were doing so well. Now you're being simply foolish."

"I will not be spoken to this way!"

"You are good, but you're not that good."

"You know, your arrogance is one of the big reasons why you're not further ahead with your career."

"You're following me. I don't care to be followed."

"You shouldn't have interfered. You'll pay for this."

"You keep promising that, but I don't see anything happening!"

"I can take care of myself just fine, alright?"

"I wonder if you even know you're lying."

"I like to keep my private life private, okay?"

"I know what you're doing. I also know it's going to get you killed."

"Notice how I didn't need to lower myself to your level?"

"Shh, don't talk! I want to hear what happens!"

"One day, you will wake up and wonder 'why is my life such a completely chaotic mess?'."

"I appreciate this concern, but I'm not like you, alright?"

"Are you trying to embarrass me?"

"I'm not going to take lectures on professionalism from you!"

"You just had to keep digging. You couldn't let it go, could you?"

"Of all the lies people tell themselves, I bet that's the most common."

"This is none of my business. I don't want to hear it."

"The fact that you won't explain explains everything."

"You're working way too hard to piss me off. It makes me think you're hiding something."

"I'm old, not stupid."

[asmutwriter]

The Gangsta's Wife (Part 3)

DESCRIPTION: The Shelby's have started to welcome you slowly into the family and start to show you how the business works but things take a dark turn.

A/N: I am hoping to write a lot more over the upcoming weeks of the various stories I'm writing. However I am not sure when I will be able to write them or post them. I will try and do it as often as possible.

WORD COUNT: 2418

From Beginning / Previous / Next / Master List  

WARNINGS: swearing, threatening of violence, mildy toxic relationship

DISCLAIMERS

This is fiction. Please always talk to your partner before doing anything and make sure they are ok with what you are doing beforehand

This story will not follow the timeline of the show. But I hope you enjoy.

You sit in the gambling shop. Waiting for the rest of the family to show up. Arthur and John walk in, their cheery mood cut short as they see you. "What are you doing here?" Arthur says.

"I was asked to join this meeting by Mr Shelby"

"You aren't part of this family. And this is a family meeting. So get the fuck out"

"She won't do that" Tommy says as he walks into the room. "She is my wife and therefore a member of the family. So she should get a say in how we run our business. Understood?" he looks at his brothers who stay silent. The lack of an answer being enough for him apparently "good. Now we just wait for Pol". As if on cue she walks through. The soft smile on her face dropping as she walks into the room, seeing you.

"Why is she here?"

"Because she's family" Thomas says. She looks at him. A silent look being exchanged between the two of them before he keeps talking "I had a discussion with her last night and she says she wants to be a part of this business. So Florence will be joining us for future meetings. If you have a problem with that then you can talk to me about it afterwards" he looks at everyone in the room before he talks again.

"Our first matter is about Harry Thompson. He has been bribing our men. He has a lot of money and power so has been able to take some of our good men. Making them fight for him and not for us. Arthur, John, and myself are meeting with him later today. We are going to negotiate with him to leave Birmingham"

He takes out a cigarette, lighting it and quickly puffing on it before speaking again. "The second matter is regards to our money. I've had to relocate it due to someone deciding to take a large sum of it. I'm working on finding out who and I will deal with them when the time comes. But I trust everyone in this room to know that I have moved it to a safe in the Garrison". He takes another puff of his smoke "would anyone like to add anything else?". Soft no's being heard around the room.

"If that's everything then we should be going. Arthur. John" he heads out the room. His brothers following him. As the door shuts you go to head out as well. Polly walks in front of you, facing you as you stop in your tracks. The fun and friendly atmosphere (the small amount of it anyway) changing in a heartbeat as she keeps her eyes on yours.

"What are you playing at?"

"Excuse me?" you hear the front door shut. Knowing its just you and your aunt-in-law remaining in the house.

"We both know that I told Thomas about you eavesdropping on him. Yet now you've worked your way into the family meeting. I want to know what you did to him" you stay silent. Eyes on hers as she gives you a glare very similar to that of your husbands.

"We did have a discussion. We talked about the situation that you brought up to him. It's sorted now. I simply told him the truth"

"About the rats?" she scoffs before you can answer "Only an idiot would take that story of rats in walls and all that crap. I'm not an idiot Florence. I know you're up to something"

"I'm not up to anything Miss Gray. He asked me for the truth and I gave it to him. He is my husband, I have no intentions to lie to him. If he asks me for the truth I'll give him the truth. It doesn't give me any benefits to lie to him" she comes close to you, pulling a long needle from her hair as she holds it close to your throat. Feeling the end of it nipping at your neck. You tense every muscle in your body as to not flinch away. Clenching your fists in an effort to stop them shaking.

"I don't know what kind of spell you've put Tommy under but I will break it. He will see the manipulation you've put onto him. Then I'll sit back and watch with pleasure as he breaks you". Although you felt a fear in your body you maintained eye contact with her as you manage to keep your composure. A few beats of silence before she moves the needle away. Placing it back into her hair as she straightens out her jacket before walking out of the room. Letting out a breath you weren't aware that you were holding.

You go back to your house. Going inside you shut your eyes. Back pressed against the door as you let the full fear finally catch up to you. Taking a few deep breaths before opening your eyes again. Feeling tears pricking at them as you straighten out your dress. Hands shaking over the soft material. One day you'll be able to be in this family and not have your life threatened by one of them. Pushing your hair behind your ears.

You look at the small table in your hallway. A letter adressed to you written onto it. You pick it up, recognising the handwriting you open it quickly.

'Dear Florence,

I am celebrating my 40th birthday party this weekend at my house up in London. I would love if you could join. Feel free to bring any plus one that you have. Come on the Saturday morning and stay the night. I hope to see you then.

Your friend,

Vanessa Smith'

You smile at the kind words. Folding the letter and placing it back into the envelope. Not realising how much you needed a friendly note. You went upstairs and placed it onto your bedside table.

You spent the day doing your house hold chores. Cleaning, cooking, so on and so on. So when you'd put the girls to bed you retired yourself. Grabbing a cup of tea and a book as you do some light reading in the comfort of your bed after a busy day of house work. The door opens to your bedroom, an obvious attempt to be quiet as its slowly opened. You look at the doorway, seeing Thomas walking in. You go slightly tense as you see him. You hadn't seen him since this morning so you were still slightly tense from the interaction you had with him and his family. But you try and hide it quickly by smiling sweetly at him. He shuts the door behind him, turning to look at you.

"Did I wake you?" you shake your head

"No I was reading"

"At this late hour?" you tilt your head slightly, a soft frown on your brow as he looks at his pocket watch "its nearly two in the morning"

"Fuck" you let out a soft laugh as you look away from him. "I wondered why I was tired". He starts to disrobe as you continue speaking "how did the meeting with Mr Thompson go?".

"It went well" you nod slightly. Moving a few items from your bedside table to make room for your book. He starts to unbutton his shirt "who's the letter from?"

"Oh" you look at the envelop in your hand then back at him "its just from my friend up in London. She's having a party but I probably wont go". He undoes the last button of his shirt, keeping the fabric over his shoulders as he reaches a hand forward

"May I read it?". Although he asks it as a question, and although you know you have every right to say no, you obediently hand him over the envelope. Wanting to show him that you have nothing to hide and that you will be truthful with him. He takes it out, reading the letter quickly. A flash of emotion going through his eyes as he reads the paper. "Why weren't you going?"

"Its' a full weekend and I wouldn't like to leave my sisters for that long. Plus its a long way to go by myself" he nods. Placing the paper back into the envelope before handing it back to you.

"I think we should go"

"We?"

"Yes. We are married and it says that you can bring a plus one. It makes the most sense to take your husband. How about it, eh?"

"I can't leave Elizabeth and Mary for that long. I-"

"John and Arthur will be here to look after them. Make sure they stay out of trouble" you scoff slightly, causing him to give you a look of confusion

"All do respect to your brothers but they're the likeliest to get them into trouble". A smile ghosts his lips as he nods

"I agree with you on that one" he thinks for a moment "I'll ask Ada to come over. She can help run my businesses whilst I'm away, plus she can keep an eye on yor sisters for you. Would that be better for you?". You bite at your bottom lip

"I wouldn't want to be any trouble to her. If its an inconvenience for her then I'd rather just not go" he nods slightly as he takes his shirt off fully, placing it over the chair in the room. He has his back to you as he undoes his trousers

"I'll ask her tomorrow. See what she says"

It was Saturday morning. Thomas had asked his sister a few days ago to which she had said yes. To be honest, you were hoping she'd say no. But here she was, Thomas telling her everything that she needed to know the day you were meant to be going. You did feel a lot happier leaving your sisters and house with Ada in charge, but that doesn't mean you were overly excited about leaving as a whole. Your sister in law seeming to see this, coming over to you and taking your hands in hers after you've placed your belongings into the back of the car.

"I promise that I will look after your sisters. I did last time you went away" she smiles softly at you as you nod. Gripping her hands tightly before letting go.

"Thank you Miss Thorne" she keeps her smile soft as you let go of her hands, tucking your hair behind your ears as you then bite at your thumb.

"Have you got everything you need?" she asks. You nod in response, motioning at a trunk in the back of the car

"Got a nice outfit for both me and Mr Shelby for when we get there, then a normal yet fancy outfit for Sunday when we drive back" she nods as you straighten out your dress "I should go and say goodbye to Lizzie and Mary. Excuse me" you go inside, poking your head into the living room. "Girls?" They both turn to face you, the older not looking at you as she folds her arms over her torso. Mary speaks up

"Do you have to go?" you nod, going over and kneeling in front of them

"I'm sorry girls. But you'll have a great time with Miss Thorne. Do as she asks ok? Please?" Mary nods. You look at Lizzie, who feels your eyes on her. Giving a very, very slight nod. You smile, a sadness in your eyes as you hug them both. "I love you two. So very much. I'll see you on Sunday, ok?" more nodding as they hug you back. Well, the younger does. The older keeps her arms folded as you force the affection onto her. You move away from them, smiling as you stand up. Going back out to the car you say goodbye to Ada who is still waiting. Getting into the car next to Tommy as he starts driving.

You arrive at your destination. A man comes over to your car after you park "any luggage?" you nod, motioning behind you and into the car. He nods, grabbing your bags "please follow me". You get out the car, following behind the man as Thomas stands next to you. Taking in the ornate building in front of you. You get to the entry way of the house. "If you'd like to follow me down this way, your rooms are on the first floor" you go to follow just as you hear a voice speaking.

"I don't believe it. Florence?" you turn, seeing your friend walking down the staircase. She nearly runs as she comes over and hugs you. You hug her back "You actually came". She moves away from the hug, holding your face between her palms as she looks at you, causing you to smile. She drops your face as she sees Thomas, her smile not faltering as she looks at him "and who is this?". He holds his hand out for her to shake

"Thomas Shelby. Florence's husband". Her smiles wavers marginally at the name. But she takes his hand, shaking it.

"Vanessa Smith". She looks at you as she drops his hand "You didn't tell me you got married?" she looks at you

"Its a recent thing, only happened a few months ago" she nods slightly, looking at the man as he keeps his eyes on her. "When are your other guests arriving?" you ask

"Some are already here. They are in the living room" she holds her hand out for you to take "I must show you your room for the weekend though". You take both her hands as she leads you to your room. Thomas following behind. Going into the bedroom you beam as you look around

"Its beautiful" you whisper. Going over to the wooden furniture, running your hand over the delicate features.

"I will leave you two alone. Guests are arriving at 2 so you have a couple of hours before then" she smiles "please come join me once you've settled" she turns, walking out the door and shutting it behind her. You hear the tapping of her heels on the floor outside. You go over to your bags, opening it and rummaging through. Finding your perfume you spray some of it onto your wrists and neck. Placing it back into your bag before turning to Thomas

"We should go and see them Mr Shelby" he nods, holding his arm out for you to take. Which you do.

TAGS

@whorecrux-of-slytherin

Previous / Next

[nyxvuxoa-writes]

𝙳𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚆𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚖 𝚁𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚜 -- 𝙰𝚄

William Rollins x Fem!Reader

◢ Genre: AU, Dark Fic, Smut, Plot Bunny — Suitable For Adults Only

◢ Warnings: darkfic, alternative universe, sexualization of a bad guy, toxic relationship, mentions of stalking behavior, manipulation, mentions of being institutionalized, mental health talk, keeping secrets, possessive!William, use of petname: kitten, exploring kink with William, body marking, knife kink, pain play, Dacryphilia (turned on by crying), katoptronophilia (sexual acts in front of mirrors), sexually recording the reader. Proceed with caution in case I missed something.

◢ A/N: This is an AU headcanon style fic list where William didn't die, but instead had been institutionalized for his behavior, and later released. It's based off William and his personality, though in a non-canon setting. Keep in mind, William is a psychopath, so don't always expect fluffy stuff with him. If you want a more direct x fem!reader insert with him based off this concept, let me know. Gif credit goes to myself.

◢ I do not consent to my work being post anywhere else.

The first time you had talked to William, it had been in a chat room.

Old habits die hard, and the internet has progressed so much.

You wanted to vent to a stranger about life and he was willing to listen.

He's charismatic, knowing exactly what to say to make you feel like you are on top of the world.

It was his way of learning you. He wanted to know what made you tick.

You found yourself confiding in him, telling him your secrets, fears, and insecurities.

Naturally, he knew how to use these things to his advantage.

To make sure you trusted him back, he started to confide in you.

But not the whole truth.

He's only told you bits and pieces of things.

Like that his mental health had declined as a teenager.

That he ended up institutionalized because of it.

It was just enough to make you feel sorry for him.

But not so much so that it would scare you away from him.

And it was likely a little warped in perspective.

That doesn't matter to him, so long as he has you at this point.

As far as you know, he's okay now and you are the reason he keeps going.

And that might not be a whole lie, he's actually become rather attached to you.

Maybe more so than you realize.

Dangerously so.

You might even have some darker things in common.

Which, if you do, he's going to find out one way or another.

After establishing yourselves, you finally agree to meet.

When you first met William, he had come off as perfect.

He flashed you that charming smile and batted the lashes on those pretty blue eyes which naturally caused you to bring your guard down.

He makes you feel safe, wanted, desired.

He's forward, but not overly so.

It's his way of testing the waters a little more.

But when you let him, he gives you these soft and sweet kisses.

The kind where his lips hover over yours after, and he simply smiles against them before he kisses you again.

You are his now.

He has his claws in you, and has no intention of letting go.

But being away from you doesn't exactly sit well with him.

He starts to keep an eye on your social media. He watches where you post from or what you are posting.

He checks on who you are talking to and who interacts with your page.

If he feels that someone is getting a little too close to what is his, William won't hesitate to make his presence known.

He'll leave little comments here or there to show you that he's paying attention.

At first, it's not going to come off overly possessive, but as time goes on it will start to become more clear in his wording that 'what's his, is his.'

Depending on the type of girl you are, this is either good or bad.

It will either turn you on, or it won't.

Let's assume that it does.

You like feeling that sense of being desired so badly.

In a way, he makes you crave it.

Even through a screen, this man a way of making you feel different things and deep emotions.

But with that being said, he has a way of convincing you of things.

Be it, he's trying to get you to change your opinion about something or someone.

Or he's trying to convince you to do something.

It doesn't take too much at times, and he's able to have you doing things that you don't quite realize is bad right off the bat.

You are blinded by love to really notice the bigger picture.

But even than, you might not care.

You might accept him for how he is.

And depending on the type of friends or family you might have, they could see right through him.

There will be people that will try and warn you about him, but that doesn't mean you will listen.

And if he keeps having it his way, he'd prefer it if you didn't listen to them.

"They are full of shit, Kitten. I'm always doing what's best for you. What's best for us."

Eventually you find yourself defending him at times.

His own little shield that he will head-pat and tell you that you're a good girl.

Eventually things will start to sexually escalate.

It had been a mutual starting on both parts, with some light flirting texts that headed into a round of sexting.

Which had left both of you craving more and it starts to become an almost daily thing until you see each other again.

You can rest assured that the first moment you got the chance, clothes were stripped off and William was pressing himself roughly into you.

He learns what gets you wet. Be it fast or slow, a little bit of both.

He'll get a little dirty in his language if he knows it's going to make you tighter around him.

And he's a moaner.

Soft at first, but the more he presses and the closer he gets, the louder he can get.

"Fuck! Kitten you feel so good."

"Keep going Kitten, you're gonna make me cum."

"That's my girl."

If you're the kinky type, William is willing to explore.

He may have a particular fondness for more edgeplay related kinks.

He would also enjoy marking your body.

Hicky marks in various spots.

Maybe he'd drag a knife against your skin from time to time. Leaving little cuts here and there.

The more things continue the more he develops an enjoyment of pain play.

Be it spankings or simply manhandling you, William knows that you belong to him and he will use you as he pleases.

If he can make you cry during this, he gets even more turned on.

There is something about seeing you in that moment of being particularly vulnerable that he enjoys.

There is added bonus if you happen to have a full body mirror around.

He likes to watch himself with you, and he particularly enjoys watching you.

This will eventually progress into him wanting to record you.

Even if he isn't involved in what you are doing.

He'll get you to play with yourself and it won't be long before his phone is out and pointed right at you.

He'll take pictures of you while you're naked. He'll even take pictures of you when you aren't even aware of it.

The stalking, no matter how long you are together, it won't stop. Which means, some of those photos are of you through out the day, or on your video calls with him.

He actually starts to enjoy the type of control that he has over you.

It's a different type of control than what he's used to having over people. But it's satisfying in it's own way.

This doesn't mean he stops manipulating you, or others at that. He wouldn't be William if he didn't try and manipulate you, or those around you.

----------------------------------------------

May consider doing a part two and expand on this more. I'm not sure yet. Tagging: @voxmortuus @earth-elemental18 @bettytaylorversion @liveandbreathesmut

[notmorbid]

hannibal: season 1.

dialogue prompts from season one of nbc's hannibal.

fear is the price of imagination.

my thoughts are often not tasty.

not fond of eye contact, are you?

perception's a tool that's pointed on both ends.

i don't find you that interesting.

you and i are just alike.

how do you see me?

therapy doesn't work on me. i know all the tricks.

therapy is an acquired taste which i have yet to acquire.

i don't think we've ever been alone in a room together.

killing must feel good to god. he does it all the time.

last time i went to a dark place, i brought something back.

dogs keep a promise a person can't.

i remember. i just didn't want to talk about it.

i want the truth. which sometimes requires a little deception.

sounds like something a liar would say.

perception is the most important thing in your life right now.

i don't care what anyone thinks.

i'm gonna be messed up, aren't i?

there's no such thing as 'getting used to' what you experienced.

you do this a lot?

no wonder you have nightmares.

can you catch somebody's crazy?

everybody thinks you did it, you know.

why did you come back here?

i can help you, if you ask me to.

how did you know it was me?

i don't want to go to sleep.

i'll keep your secret.

whose family values?

when misery rains, it pours.

i'm not normal. not anymore.

what was done to you wasn't normal.

support groups are sucking the life out of me.

the family you're born with isn't really family.

tell me about your bad dreams.

i'll just have to get used to lying.

it's important to know when to turn the page.

you want me to do drugs?

more secrets for us.

it's okay. you're home now.

i'm a little taken aback, slash a lot taken aback.

i'm not even sure if i'm awake now.

i've got just the thing to wake you up.

this is not who you are.

who prays over us when we sleep?

do you wait until you think i'm asleep to come to bed?

can we have a conversation, or do you want to pretend everything's alright?

is there anything i can offer you romantically or spiritually or physically to help you out?

you can ask me anything you want.

why don't you come up with your own answers, if you don't like mine?

it's really a very dull story, though, isn't it?

do you want to be alone? don't answer that. just think about your answer.

i don't want you to be alone, not now and not ever.

it's your fight. but i'm in your corner.

i can't give you what you need.

i thought if i kept it to myself, our lives wouldn't change.

i didn't count on changing as much as i did.

i'm gonna sit here until you're ready to talk. you don't have to say a word until you're ready, but i'm not going anywhere until you do.

you looked like you were dreaming.

you're wearing a very well-tailored person suit.

i see enough of you to see the truth of you.

words are living things. they have personality, point of view, agenda.

did you think it was a date?

i googled 'psychopath'. went down the checklist.

i wouldn't be good for you.

it's nice when someone sees us, or has the ability to see us. it requires trust.

i was worried you were dead.

i feel like i've dragged you into my world.

not feeling like yourself is kind of what you do, isn't it?

clearly there's something you don't want to tell me.

i think you need to tell your own story.

no one knows more about ___ than i do.

i won't lie if you don't.

whatever you're feeling now, it won't last.

if you open this door, you won't control what comes through. are you ready for that?

where do you go when you sneak out?

everyone decides their own version of the truth.

i won't tell anything you don't want me to.

i wondered when you would tell me.

you're grieving for the life that was taken from you.

i am officially concerned about you.

i'm not entirely sure what i saw was real.

you're not alone. we are here together.

you made me think i was somebody else.

it's hard to shake off something that's already under your skin.

it's a terrible thing to have your identity taken from you.

it's hard to be with another person when you can't get out of your own head.

we all want things we can't have.

sometimes all we can do is watch.

do i look alive?

i hope you have good insurance.

i know what i did, but i don't remember it.

you made me chicken soup?

this wasn't supposed to be my life.

some places are stained now. some people, too.

i didn't feel safe. so i left.

if i run, they'll catch me, won't they?

you can't protect me anymore.

why did you really call?

i'm sorry i couldn't protect you in this life.

i can't do the silent treatment.

i thought i would get better.

i don't feel like i dodged a bullet.

are you confused about who i am?

i am who i've always been.

the scales have just fallen from my eyes. i can see you now.

you seemed like you needed to talk.